I cringe at the first hit of my ciggertte
My long black hair hanging in my face
Once agian going though the same thing
I think every time i date a new guy.

"am i good enough?"
"is he going to cheat?"
"is he like the others?"
"is it worth the hurt agian?"

I exhale loudly as i look in the mirror
disgusted by my own reflection
What have i become?

Im cold hearted & mean spirted.
I no longer smile or laugh.
I eat every word they tell me.
I gave up way to young.

I ethier trust to easily or not at all.
I say sorry for somthing i didnt do.
I forgive the unforgivable.
Ive lost myself some where along this path.

Everyone says what happened to the Ashley i remeaber?
The one who smile could light up a room.
The one who was so nice.
The optimistic little girl who loved everyone.
The girl who could cheer anyone up.

I tell them she's gone.
Lost in all the lies.
With all the shit i've been though im lucky im alive.
My family hates me.
boys Fuck me over.

I can no longer fake the smile.
I cant cheer people up, when im not happy myself.
Then for a split second;
The old ashley comes back.

Then just as fast as she came back.
She was gone.