October 3, 2009

  • What happened?

    I cringe at the first hit of my ciggertte
    My long black hair hanging in my face
    Once agian going though the same thing
    I think every time i date a new guy.

    "am i good enough?"
    "is he going to cheat?"
    "is he like the others?"
    "is it worth the hurt agian?"

    I exhale loudly as i look in the mirror
    disgusted by my own reflection
    What have i become?

    Im cold hearted & mean spirted.
    I no longer smile or laugh.
    I eat every word they tell me.
    I gave up way to young.

    I ethier trust to easily or not at all.
    I say sorry for somthing i didnt do.
    I forgive the unforgivable.
    Ive lost myself some where along this path.

    Everyone says what happened to the Ashley i remeaber?
    The one who smile could light up a room.
    The one who was so nice.
    The optimistic little girl who loved everyone.
    The girl who could cheer anyone up.

    I tell them she's gone.
    Lost in all the lies.
    With all the shit i've been though im lucky im alive.
    My family hates me.
    boys Fuck me over.

    I can no longer fake the smile.
    I cant cheer people up, when im not happy myself.
    Then for a split second;
    The old ashley comes back.

    Then just as fast as she came back.
    She was gone.

     

Comments (6)

  • just saying hi

  • wow

  • You get to a point where all of that just makes you crack and you're no longer mean, but also not nice. Just blunt, direct, honest, and things hurt less because you only care so much... It's a lot better and you'll get there eventually. :)

  • Hey.. How have you been?

  • just wanted to say that i hope things look up for ya..  i've had things rough before but never as rough as things seem to be for you...  my only real advice because i haven't gone through what you have is to hold on.  as one of my friends once told me, "in the end you'll be happy.  and if you're not happy, it's not the end."  i know i know, it's not exactly all that much, but it is hope.  that's something that has always gotten me through anything that's happened.

    also, based on your pictures and what i've seen from you're posts, ya are a beautiful person.  the life around you may suck but you're like a rose in an untended garden.  it's beauty being hidden by the weeds and dead leaves.  hopefully the garden will get cleaned up for you so that you can be happy and others can see that beauty coming from you again.

    i wish you the best,
    tony

  • everything happens for a reason, you'll find yourself again.

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